Who Had/Has Your Back?

Originally Written Between 2017-2020                                   

“My daddy can beat your daddy!”  “My dad is bigger than your dad!”  My dad is the best dad in the world!”  These proclamations were made by me as a little girl.  I, of course, had no idea whether my best friend’s dad wasn’t the best dad in the world.  I’m sure in her eyes, he was.  Just like in my eyes, my dad was the best.  

 

While looking back on my childhood, I know why I thought so much of my dad.  He really was the biggest – at 6 feet 4 inches.  He wore size 14 shoes and had to order them from a Big Size store catalog!  The local clown club used to borrow them to complete their costumes!

 

Both mom and dad attended all of my activities – from my tap dance and piano recitals in grade school to high school choir concerts – to all events in between.  They were there for me.  I could always find my dad in the audience – even sitting down, he was the tallest in the crowd!

 

Dad was also supportive of everything I tried.  Such as taking my driver’s test at the age of 15.  I flunked and was told I couldn’t take the test again until the following week in St. Paul.  He took me out on the country roads and I practiced and practiced.  He also took me out to practice after I flunked the second test and drove me to St. Paul for my third try.  Which I finally did pass, by the way.

 

When I left the family home and moved into my first apartment with three roommates from 3M, it was my dad who moved me and my clothes and few pieces of furniture.  It was my dad who drove from Forest Lake to the east side of St. Paul every Friday night to pick me up and bring me back home and then the reverse on Sunday nights.  He did this for several weeks since I was so homesick.  Dad was my rock and my support system.  He knew I would eventually call and tell him to not come on Friday because I had made some good friends and had other things to do on the weekend.

 

He was the biggest and best daddy when I broke off my engagement with a young man when I was 19.  The day after I gave Ron back his ring, Ron showed up at our house and threatened me.  My sister, Joanne, and I locked all the doors and windows and I called my dad at the roller rink.  Dad broke all speed limits to come home and told Ron in no uncertain terms what would happen to him if he ever set foot in Forest Lake again.  We never saw Ron again. Dad was my hero.  He was my rock.  He “had my back.”

 

The phrase “He has (or had) my back” is fairly new to our vocabulary.  It means “to give support,” “to give encouragement,” “to believe in you,” and “to fight for you.”  And that was my dad.

 

Another person in my life that “has my back” is, of course, my husband, Norm.  Norm is almost 7 years older than I and I think I always looked up to him as someone who has already worked his way through the trials and tribulations of quote “growing up.”  He could then help me navigate through any obstacles I may have.  When we met, Norm had already gone through his military obligation.  He graduated college.  He had a job.  He had a car.  He had no bills.  He had savings.  A solid citizen.  Heck!  He even went to church every week!  In fact – that’s how we met –on a church ski trip!  

 

Anyway, we got married.  Norm – my financial wizard – negotiated the rent for our first apartment at $70 a month.  Norm took care of all the finances and decided when we had enough for a down payment on a house.  I depended on him to make all the right decisions.  He was my rock –my hero – my love.

 

So, when did he “have my back?”  Well, I went through life thinking that everyone I knew – liked me.  Turns out, I was wrong.  In previous writings, I told you about my co-worker, Diane, who turned against me because she didn’t like the fact that I talked too much about my kids.  This was a very trying six months for me – not knowing why Diane didn’t want to be friends any more.  And then, another trying three months after I found out why.  I’d come home from work and cry.  Again, Norm was my rock.  He’d listen.  He suggested ways to cope.  He made sure that I knew that everyone else loved me.  He “had my back.”

 

Being the sweet and wonderful person that I am, I thought that the Diane fiasco was just a fluke.  Well……no, it wasn’t.  I had a boss – I won’t say which company – that was a jerk.  I lasted over three years working with him.  We even went to couples therapy to figure out how to work together without killing each other.  Well, this boss eventually decided to get rid of me and gave me two months to find another job within the company.    

 

Another boss at another company wasn’t really a jerk.  He was just incompetent.  He should have never been in charge.  I lasted a little over two years with him when I found out he was blaming me for his mistakes and being late for appointments and meetings. 

 

In those scenarios and others I won’t mention here, Norm again “had my back.”  He believed in me – even though I didn’t anymore.  He knew what I could do.  I didn’t.  He encouraged me.  He kept telling me that I was worthwhile and could do anything I wanted.  I didn’t believe him.  But, he kept going – telling me that he believed in me.  He supported me.  He encouraged me.  He fought for me.  He loved me.

 

But now – after 53 years of marriage, the table has turned.  It is my turn to be the rock.  Norm’s stroke has affected his walking and balance.  We’ve spent the entire spring going to numerous doctor appointments, and OT and PT therapy sessions.  He’s given up driving and therefore, I’m the chauffeur.  Norm used to be able to hop in the car and run to the store to pick up groceries.  Now, I’m the only driver.  I accompany him to all of his appointments and take notes.  His hearing is not good; therefore, I’m his translator.  I’m in charge of his medications.  

 

Times have changed.  We are looking for a townhome with a master bedroom on the first floor.  I’m starting to go through our belongings to downsize.  Our kids are starting to buy us things – such as telephones for the hard-of-hearing (which don’t work, by the way).  Norm used to be our “activity director” and plan our trips and cruises. I’m now doing this. 

 

Doing all these things that Norm used to do is exhausting for me at times.  I never realized – or maybe took for granted – all that he did for me and for our family.  I want him to know how much I appreciate him for always being there for me during good times and bad.  And for loving me even in my worst moments.  He needs to be thanked for listening and giving me advice I needed to hear even though sometimes it was hard to accept.  He accepted me for who I am.  He is truly my rock and I need to tell him more how much I love and appreciate him.  He is truly amazing and definitely always “has my back.”