Invisible Transition

Originally Written Between 2017-2020                                  

 

I am a good driver.  Now, I may be the only one who thinks so; but, you just have to believe me.  Norm doesn’t. I’m doing most of the driving now and he is an unbearable “back-seat driver.”  He says it’s “payback” for all the back-seat driving that I did for years and years.  He may be right.

 

I really don’t like to drive – especially long distances.  Going to Duluth is about the right distance for me.  One-way, that is.  I don’t mind driving back to the Twin Cities after a full night’s sleep overlooking Lake Superior.  And that is what brings me to my story today.

 

Norm and I took our minivan to Duluth in September to watch two of our grandsons play football.  We stayed overnight at the Downtown Duluth Motel – which brings us to another adventure that I won’t repeat now.  Anyway, this motel had a parking lot in the back that was built into a hill.  It was a tiny parking lot.  And, difficult to maneuver a long minivan out of a parking space.  As you can probably tell, I’m listing all of my explanations as to why “what happened next” happened.  Yes, I backed into the car parked directly behind me.  Just a tap.  Just a tap I tell you.  And I can prove it.  Because I took a picture of it – just in case someone in the motel just happened to be looking out his or her window and saw me “tapping” that car and turn me in.  I would then be able to prove that no damage was done.

 

I agreed with Norm that we should high-tail it of there.  But, I was so shook up and cautious that it probably took me ten minutes to get out of the lot.

 

A couple of days later, we went to the Subaru dealer and bought one of those short SUV’s called a Forester.  It has all sorts of bells and whistles that I love – especially the heated seats, the back-up camera, the outside mirrors that light up when someone is in your blind spot, a moon roof and all sorts of other things that I haven’t figured out yet.

 

I am in heaven!  A new car that has all sorts of safety features!  I am signaling all over the place.  I check the rear-view mirror and the outside mirrors to confidently move into another lane.  I back out of our garage assured that no one is behind me.  

 

So, last Tuesday, Norm and I went to a movie in Edina (called “Denial” – excellent movie by the way).  After the show, we drive around looking for a new restaurant.  Finding none that interested us – and the fact that it was only 4:00 – we ended up on 35 to go home.  Knowing that one had to be in particular lane to exit onto 94West, I continued to stay in that lane.  The traffic in that lane ONLY, however, was at a standstill some of the time and only about 5 miles an hour the rest of the time.  It took us 30 minutes to go from 48^th Street to the 94 entrance!

 

I started to yell at the crazy drivers trying to maneuver their cars in front of me.  What idots!  I knew that they knew they were cutting in.  It is NOT a merge situation at the 94 entrance!  

NO MERGE SIGNS, PEOPLE!  

I AM OBEYING THE RULES OF THE ROAD.  YOU ARE NOT!  

HEY IDIOT!  I’M NOT GOING TO LET YOU HIT MY BRAND NEW CAR. 

 I AM NOT LETTING YOU IN!  

WHERE ARE ALL THESE STUPID DRIVERS COMING FROM? 

LOOK AT THAT, NORM.  I BET THAT DIM-WIT WHO JUST PASSED ME IS GOING TO TRY TO GET IN FRONT OF THAT CHEVY TRUCK.  SURE ENOUGH – THAT CHEVY LET HIM.  STUPID CHEVY.  HE SHOULDN’T HAVE LET HM IN.

 

By this time, I’m out of control.  I even use a couple of cuss words that I won’t repeat here.  I’m yelling!  Shaking my fist!  Norm doesn’t say a word.

 

Okay, we’re now close to the entrance to get onto 94West.  A U-Haul truck is on my left.  I could tell he was going to try to get it front of me.  I honk the horn – just once – so he knows that I KNOW what he is trying to do and for him to know that HE IS NOT GOING TO GET AWAY WITH IT!

 

No, sir-ree.  I shake my head NO.  Several times.  I stay within two inches of the car ahead of me.  That U-Haul truck is not getting the best me!

 

There!  He is slowing down.  I SURE HOPE THE GUY BEHIND ME DOESN’T LET HIM IN!  I lose all of my “courtesy driving” habits.  I’M SICK AND TIRED OF THESE IDIOTS WHO DARNWELL KNOW THAT THEY CAN’T MERGE AT 94.  THEY SHOULD HAVE SIGNS TELLING EVERYONE THAT THE THIRD LANE FROM THE LEFT IS FOR 94 PEOPLE ONLY.  THERE IS NO MERGE.  STAY IN THE THIRD LANE ------ IDIOTS!

 

Okay.  I’m now heading west on 94.  There is a double white line – which means one has to wait for the double white line to disappear before they can go over to the next lane.  Do I obey that rule?  Of course.  I am a good and safe driver, after all.

 

BUT THOSE OTHER IDIOTS!  They don’t know the rule (even though there is a huge sign along the road saying “don’t drive over the double white lines.”)  LOOK!  ONE STUPID GUY GOES OVER THE LINES TO THE LEFT AND THAT OTHER IDIOT GOES OVER THE LINES TO GET INTO MY LANE!   

 

Poor Norm.  He had to listen to me rant on and on until we got home.  That new-found confidence in my driving ability had transformed me to a maniac!  At least the movie was good.