Vacation From Hell

  

Originally Written Between 2013-2015

“I need a vacation!  It’s summer.  I’ve been cooped up in the house with our four kids all winter.  Get me out of here!” I said.  And so, Norm got me out of there.   We went from a four-bedroom house to a rented three-room cabin on Lake Le Homme Dieu in Alexandria, Minnesota.  

Note that I said three-ROOM cabin – not a three BEDROOM cabin.  The kitchen and living room combined (and I use the words “living room” very loosely) was about the size of our meeting space here.  It had one couch that was actually a sleeper sofa for Norm and me.  Our four children would sleep in the one bedroom that had a twin bed for Michael (age 11), a double bed for David and John (ages 8 and 6), and we brought a playpen along for Rebecca (15 months).  The third room was the bathroom.  No tub.  Just a shower, toilet, and sink.

As you can probably tell, we rented this cabin “sight unseen.”  You also have to remember that this was in the late ‘70’s – before the Internet – before we had any extra money, and before being able to google a website to see what we were renting prior to arrival.  So, we piled into our little ’69 Rambler that was filled with fishing poles, playpen, suitcases, food, cooler, toys, diapers and books.  

Now, there’s another thing you may or may not know about me.  I’m not an outdoor-sy person.  I’m not a camper – or “cabin-er.”  My idea of “roughing” it is having a microwave at a Holiday Inn.  That’s as rough as I’ll go.  

But…. As Norm said, “It’s all we can afford and it’s only a week.  Come on…. We’ll fish, swim, canoe, play on the beach.  It’ll be fun.  And besides, I’ll take the boys while Rebecca takes her nap in the afternoon.  You’ll be able to lie out in the sun and read your books.”  I had to admit.  That sounded pretty good.

Except Rebecca wouldn’t take a nap.  She didn’t like the playpen.  Her brothers would run in and out of the cabin and slam the screen door and that kept her awake.  They evidently tired of fishing after a few minutes.  I tried sleeping with her on the double bed.  That didn’t work.  She would finally cry herself to sleep for about 30 minutes and that’s all.

Oh – did I tell you that we didn’t have a dishwasher?  I know.  I’m a spoiled brat.  But, I really didn’t like working harder on my vacation than I did during the other 51 weeks of the year.  I have to admit, however, that I, and my family did have a fun time enjoying the beach, swimming, and fishing – just like Norm promised.

Day four:  Rain.  Pouring rain.  It sure looked like an all-day rain.  But, as I tried to figure out what we could do with the kids in our little three-room bit of paradise, Norm woke up – sweating.  Really sweating.  I have no idea what his temperature was – but he was burning up!  And besides a huge headache, he also was so weak that he couldn’t stand up!  I knew we had to go home and get him to the doctor.

That meant packing up.  Norm was in no shape to help at all.  That left the only responsible adult – me – to get all of us home.  The cabin did have a little black and white TV so I put the kids in front of the TV while I packed.  Of course, it only took a few minutes before the boys started fighting.  Over what?  I don’t know.  Three boys – what else do they do but fight.  I had to first feed everyone – instead of the bacon and eggs I usually made every morning, they got cold cereal and toast (which I had to make in the oven because the cabin didn’t have a toaster).  I know…. I’m whining again!  Then, of course, I had to wash and dry the dishes, clean out the refrigerator and pack the leftover food in the cooler.

Need I remind you that it is still raining?  The kids are beyond watching Good Morning, America since we can’t get PBS – otherwise known as Sesame Street – in Alexandria.  I try to get the boys to play with Rebecca to stop her from crying and then I get into the Staff Sergeant mode – I yell.  I put Michael in charge to get them to play a board game.  I don’t care if they cheat.  As long as they are in the living room while I pack all our clothes.

In the meantime, Norm is moaning and groaning.  Huge headache.  High fever.  He is so weak and he falls asleep. He doesn’t have any strength to do anything else.  I really have to get him home and to the doctor.  He can’t help me at all.  I load the car.  Now, usually, Norm is the one in charge of figuring out which items go in first when packing the car.  It’s still raining.  Good thing we had a car carrier on the roof.  I wasn’t tall enough to fit everything in as beautifully as Norm would have done.  But, I finally get everything and everybody into the car.  And, we are off!

One hundred and fifty miles and two and a half hours later, we arrived home.  I don’t like to drive.  So, driving 2-/12 hours in the rain wasn’t a fun time for me.   Thankfully, the kids were so worn out from fighting and crying earlier in the morning that they were quiet during most of the trip home.  Norm slept the whole way.  

Our oldest, Michael, just turned 11 earlier in the summer and we had allowed him to quote “babysit” in the evening while Rebecca was already asleep and the other two boys were at least in bed.  But, I couldn’t use Michael as a babysitter while I took Norm to the doctor since it was only noon when we got home.  What could I do?  I bribed them with Happy Meals at McDonalds and then Dairy Queen cones if they were good in the car while we were in the doctor’s office.  Yes….. bribery.  Bribery was my “go-to” parenting skill that I used almost every day.

Norm was diagnosed with pneumonia and his temperature was 103 degrees.  He received a prescription and by the next day, was a lot better.  I was feeling a lot better, too, because it took me the rest of the day to unload the cooler, suitcases, fishing supplies, toys, etc. from the car, do the laundry, make dinner, and put the kids to bed.  My vacation from hell was over.  I loaded the dishwasher.  Ah…… heaven!