Syndromes

 Originally Written Between 2013-2015  

 

Hi.  My name is Mary and I have a syndrome.  It is called the “I can’t say NO” Syndrome.  I’ve had this syndrome since childhood and it certainly has gotten worse as I grow older.  It all started when I learned in catechism class about the 10 Commandments and how I was supposed to obey my mother and father.  This, to me, of course, meant that I should not talk back to them or yell “no” every time I didn’t want to do anything they asked.  And, as I look back to my grade school years, I don’t remember saying “no” too many times.  I soon learned that when my parents said “no” to me, it was for my own safety – or the safety of others – and they never said it unless they meant it.  When I did say “no” to them, I was quickly told the error of my ways and either punished or made to say, “I’m sorry.”

 

But, then the teenage years came.  While I didn’t actually say the word “no” very often, my actions, however, were saying “no” for me.  Such as, when I was 14 and decided that I didn’t want to take piano lessons anymore (because boys were become way more popular in my mind than playing music from the 1800’s).  Instead of telling my mom that I wanted to quit, I just stopped practicing the piano.  Every Saturday, mom would give me $3 for my lesson, I’d grab my music book, and walk the ½ mile to my piano teacher’s home.  I could sight read a little bit and I think I was able to fool my teacher for a few lessons.  But, soon she could tell that the book had never been opened from one week to the other by the way I played.  What a waste of her time, my time, and my mom’s $3!  My teacher finally called my mom and told her that I was not her student any more.  At that time, I was okay with that decision.  But, I regret it now since I wish I could now just sit down at the piano and play Christmas Carols for my grandchildren.  I can play them…. But, now I first have to practice a lot!

 

Fast forward to my working years at 3M, Medtronic, Turnquist Paper, Lamaur Beauty Supply, and Fairview Health Services.  My original titles started out as “secretary,” then “Administrative Assistant,” “Executive Assistant,” and finally “Executive Partner.”  All these titles really meant was that I was to do my bosses bidding.  Make coffee – even though I don’t drink it.  Work overtime even though I’d miss attending my kids’ baseball or basketball games.  I could go on and on.  My thinking was that these duties were part of the job.  I always thought that I worked WITH my boss as opposed to FOR my boss.  We were a team and it took a team to get our jobs done.  I HELPED my bosses get ahead and therefore, I was promoted many times.  I never turned down – or said, “no” to any request.  I was well compensated and was given many perks such as trips to Puerto Rico and Europe to visit Medtronic’s manufacturing plants and work with the teams there.

 

But…… evidently, I learned that my saying, “no” was considered something I could do and it was expected of me.  At least two different bosses wrote in my performance reviews that I should learn to say “no.”  What?  Say, “no?” To whom?  You?  How can I do that?  I didn’t remember any boss giving me an option to not do something!  So, now is it really possible that I can turn down an assignment? Well, the answer was always “no.”  THEY can say, “no” but, I couldn’t.  Even though I was told that I should learn to say, “no.”  Yes…. A little confusing.

 

I find that my inability to say, “no” has still carried on to my retirement years.  I’m so glad that I didn’t say, “no” to Lyle when he told me about this Creative Writers’ Group and I didn’t say, “no” to joining various groups at our church, or even saying, “no” to working in our church office until they can hire a new Office Manager.  Saying “no” just means that I will sit home and do nothing.  I like being with people and discovering new and exciting things to do.  I learn something new from each person I encounter and each new challenge I face.

 

I do have proof, however, of one of the times I did say, “no.”  It was Easter.  2005.  Our first grandchild, Dean, was around 18 months old.  Of course, he had the run of our home since he was the center of the universe – in my estimation.  I had Easter candy in a bowl on the coffee table in our living room.  One of our sons, Michael, just happened to be taking pictures of the festivities and caught Dean’s reaction to Grandma Mary saying, “no” to Dean as he tried to grab some candy.  As you can see, he is a bit perplexed since he had never heard that word come out of Grandma’s mouth before.  As a side note, I only said, “no” because I heard Dean’s mom say that he’s not allowed to have any candy.  If I hadn’t heard that, you can be assured that I 

would have given Dean whatever he wanted.