Role Models

Originally Written Between 2013-2015

Growing up, I remember Dad as the king of the household and Mom as his loving wife – but one who was treated as an equal in the days when women were thought of as servants.   My home life was one of my Mom and Dad showing lots of love to each other.  While growing up, I can’t remember an evening that went by that my Mom and Dad didn’t joke, hug, kiss, and giggle in front of us kids just before supper.  They had fun together – always a smile or a knowing wink to one another that meant something to only the two of them.

Mom was big on remembering people with cards and phone calls and telling others she cared.  She spent hours selecting just the right gift for others; and since she was so good at it, Dad was very happy to get out of that chore.

I’m sure they had fights or arguments, and I know Mom would get irritated at times when Dad couldn’t hear her and she had to yell at him all the time.   And, Dad must have gotten annoyed when she talked all the time; but, they didn’t dwell on it.  They knew that life was too short to remain angry.

In addition to arthritis and two hip replacements, my mom developed cancer.  Her illnesses helped not only my Mom and Dad, but I think our family, realize how short life was and how important we were to each other.  My Dad suffered from depression at times and he realized that Mom now needed him rather than he always requiring the love, understanding, and care that Mom always gave him.  Instead of dwelling on himself, he had someone else to think about.

He helped out – did all the dishes, cooked, washed the floor, bought groceries and many other things that Mom simply could not do anymore.  I marveled at how the “littlest” thing could just join them together and make them one - such as their little joke about how Dad said he made the best coffee in the world when they both knew that Mom got the pot all ready the night before.  Then, all Dad did was turn the switch on in the morning!  Or, when he’d change her bandages and wash his hands.  He’d come into the room, arms and hands raised like a surgeon, and say, “Don’t touch me, I’m sterile.”  She’d call him “doctor” and he’d threaten to stop making house calls.

My parents constantly showed how much they loved each other.  On Valentine’s Day, my Mom had to be at the hospital at 9:00 for what we hoped, would be her very last surgery.  Mom had spent the last couple of weeks again doing for others – having lunches with her friends – entertaining various sets of relatives – and always keeping an attitude of “this is just a little setback – I’ll be back before you know it!”  

Dad also spent those weeks doing all he could to get Mom to her doctor appointments, caring for her needs and keeping her spirits up.  He showed his love for her by planning a “get-away weekend” where they spent a Saturday and a Sunday in St. Paul enjoying the Winter Carnival events and getting lost in the Skyway system!

That morning, as Dad went outside to get the car out of the garage, Mom proceeded to lock up the house.  The very last thing she did was to place a Valentine card on Dad’s pillow – so he would see it when he returned home that evening after her surgery.  That mother of mine!  She was always thinking of others – even when she should have been thinking of herself.  Her only thought was of Dad – to let him know that she loved him.

Mom made it through that particular surgery, and our family was able to watch and admire their love story for another ten years.  My parents were my role models:  I learned how to be a friend -- to be aware – and to BE there for my friends and family in good times and in bad from my mom and to love unconditionally, be honest, have a sense of humor, and be true to my word from my dad.  Thanks, Mom.  Thanks, Dad.