Melanie Pasket Vogel Eulogy

Melanie Pasket Vogel

January 31, 1945 – August 21, 2007

 

Hello.  I’m Mary Vogel McGraw, one of Steve’s sisters. On behalf of our family, especially, Steve, Brian, Adele, Matt and Melanie’s sister, Maureen, I’d like to thank you all for visiting with us and honoring Melanie with your presence today.

 

We are all here to pay tribute to Melanie because she was “the best” – the best wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, sister-in-law, and friend.  We all have examples of how she was “the best” to each one of us.  And while I certainly can’t talk about the first third of her life as her sister, Maureen could, I can tell you about the Melanie that I have known since we were in our early twenties.

 

Back in Steve and Mel’s dating days, I remember my mom telling me that Steve was really smitten with a girl he had met at work.  This tiny little dark-haired cutie had caught his eye and soon we were all involved in wedding plans.  At that time, I was a stay-at-home mother and I envied Melanie… the career person who wore 3” heels and beautiful clothes.  I was so jealous… of her tiny waist and her beautiful long dark hair…. which was perfectly styled at all times.

 

Initially, Melanie was very shy around us talkative Vogels.  And, it took her a few years to hold her own in our conversations because she was always a soft and calm speaker.  I don’t think I ever heard her raise her voice.  She didn’t monopolize any conversation, but when she did speak, it was worth hearing.  We all loved Melanie and I know my parents considered her a daughter; instead of a daughter-in-law.  It was always “SteveandMel”, “SteveandMel”… One word… “SteveandMel”.  One word, one couple, one team… One love.

 

Joanna, Steve, and I, along with the three “outlaws” as we called them – Chuck, Melanie, and Norm – had such fun together.  We all lived in different states and could only see each other on special occasions; so when we did get together, we made the most of it…. Usually house parties playing Tripoli… I remember that while the rest of us would be yelling and screaming, it was usually Melanie who would quietly say, “Queen, King, Ace” and scoop up all the piles of money… well, all right… pennies.  I guess we were not known for our extravagant lifestyles!

 

I can think of a couple of words that best describe Melanie:  “Family” is one and “Caregiver” is another.  And, while writing this eulogy, I looked up in the Outlook thesaurus for some words that meant Caregiver.  “No results found.”  Hmmmm.  So, then I typed in “comforter” and it said, “a top cover for a bed.”  Well, okay… How about comfort?”  There!  I found some words that described Melanie to a T:  calm cheerful, encourage, bolster, soothe, console, reassure, and security.

 

She was a caregiver from day one.  For instance, Melanie and Maureen took care of their mother for several months before Dorothy passed away.  This entailed taking turns staying over night, making and attending doctor appointments, giving shots, and all the other details involved in caring for the sick.  I never heard Melanie grumble or complain.  Dorothy was her mom after all and her family was her life.  Because…. Family came first.

 

Steve and the boys, of course, were the lights of her life.  Over the last few days, we’ve been looking through the family photo albums and you can just see all the attention Melanie had given to her family.  Steve loves to hunt.  While I’m not sure Melanie ever actually shot a gun, she was game to travel with Steve to his hunting spots – in their little trailer or later on, day trips in the truck.  She would bring her books, a cooler filled with food and drink, and of course, the dog… Either one of the dogs named Caesar or Casey.  Just being with Steve was of utmost importance for her. Because…. Family came first.

 

The albums also contained pictures of Brain, the Cub Scout and football player, and Matt, the athlete of many sports.  You can bet that Melanie attended each one of Brian’s Pinewood Derby’s and all of Brian’s and Matt’s games.  Because…. Family came first.

 

Holidays were important for Melanie.  Christmas Eve always meant that a couple of Steve’s pheasants or ducks were on the menu.  For several years, my family, along with our mom and dad, would travel out to the Vogel farm on the first Saturday in December.  Then, off to the Santa Claus Tree Farm to chop down our Christmas trees for the season.  Melanie would make a huge pot of chili and the cousins would play in the barn and then give us rock concerts.  A fun day filled with lots of memories and tradition.  Because…. Family came first.

 

The most recent example of Melanie embracing family was in the hospital.  Our son, John, his wife, Aida and their son Johan, came to the hospital to visit Melanie.  Melanie did not have the opportunity to meet Aida and Johan prior to last Saturday.  After enjoying the baby and talking a bit, Melanie took charge of the conversation and said, “Aida, it’s been so wonderful meeting you…. Welcome to our family.”  These are some of the last words I heard Melanie speak…. And she was talking about Family.  Because…. Family came first.

 

You may have noticed that food played a big part in the Vogel household.  Whenever there was any festivity going on and Melanie would ask what could she bring, it was always, “bring your Bunny Beans.”  Melanie was known for her Bunny Beans.  In fact, Brian made them for all of you here today.  We should probably give credit for this recipe to her neighbor and friend, Belinda.  Sorry, Belinda, but, from the first time we had them, they were called Bunny Beans.  “Bunny” was Steve’s nickname for Melanie.  He may tell you differently, but I believe it was because when they were first married, he would kid her about wearing big, fluffy slippers.  I’m not sure if they were shaped like a bunny with tall ears and a puffy white tail…. but, anyway, the name stuck and she was lovingly called “Bunny” or “Bun” by Steve from then on.

 

As I said before, Melanie was the best.  She chose her role as a wife and a mother.  However, the role of “Caregiver” is not one anyone chooses.  It is given to those extraordinary individuals, like Melanie, who embrace the role with poise, grace, and unfailing love.  Melanie never thought that her caring for others was a burden; especially with Steve over these last couple of years with his health problems.  It was just one of those things that came with the “in sickness and in health” portion of the marriage vows.  She told Joanna just a couple of months ago:  “Steve took care of me all these years, it’s my turn to take care of him.”

 

Well, Melanie, it’s now time for you to rest and return to your first family… Your mom and dad.  The rest of us will follow in our own time where once again… family will come first.  We will love you forever.