Bridges

Originally Written Between 2013-2015                                              

The first thought that came to me when I heard the topic for this week was Simon and Garfunkel singing, “Bridge Over Troubled Waters.”  I googled the lyrics and, of course, had to listen to them singing that beautiful song.  I sang along.  The tears were streaming down my face by the 10^th word.  How I love that song.  I can interpret it in a few ways – such as Jesus being the one who “will lay me down” or “I will comfort you” or “If you need a friend.”  Another interpretation is to believe that the “comforter” is my best friend.

My best friend is my bridge – the friend who is on my side when I’m weary or feeling small.  Or when I can’t find any other friends who will listen and empathize with me.  Or when I’m down and out.  

When evening falls, my friend will comfort me and ease my mind.  Yes, he will ease my mind.

Now, I’ve had a few “best friends” in my life.  Phyllis was my childhood best friend.  As a teenager, Judy and I were inseparable.  Motherhood brought Roseanne into my life, and as a working mom, Theresa filled the bill.  Best friends for different stages in my life.

My one “constant best friend” for the past 50 years is my husband, Norm.  He’s been my rock and my confidant. Oh, sure, we’ve had our share of arguments and downtimes.  But, they never last long.  We have similar interests – going to movies, traveling, eating out, reading, spending time with our kids and grandkids and extended families, and entertaining.  But, we are complete opposites in other areas – Norm likes to watch and play sports.  I don’t.  I like to be involved in clubs, committees, boards and groups of friends, neighbors, church, etc.  Norm will not go out of his way to get involved in these events or activities; but, does like it once he’s there.  I’m an extrovert.  Norm’s an introvert.  I like to think that we balance each other out – he calms me down and I get him involved.

He is my bridge.  A bridge that helps me over the troubled waters of depression… such as being there for me when each of my parents died.  He even read the eulogy I wrote for my dad because I couldn’t get through it without breaking down.  

And over the troubled waters of heartbreak when our daughter was born with two heart defects and we were told she may not live.

Or over the trouble waters of my being downsized from a company after 13 years of employment.

And most recently, Norm has been with me every step of the way in my trying to get to the other side of the bridge of being able to stand up for myself.  You see, I’m continuously attacked and criticized by a friend of mine.  Even after a five-minute conversation with her, my self esteem is so low that I immediately have to find Norm so he can build me back up and tell me that I am worthwhile.  That I am loved.  And that I have every right to an opinion – just as anyone else.  And just because it’s an opinion that is different, that doesn’t make it wrong.  Norm has to talk a lot to get me back into feeling good about myself.  The trouble is…. after every conversation, poor Norm has to go through the process all over again – he’s truly knows how I feel, what I believe, and still ACCEPTS me as I am.  

I recently read a definition of “what is a friend” and that is:  “Friends can help each other.  A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself – and especially to feel.  Or… not feel.  Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them.”  That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he or she really is.

Now – Norm isn’t a saint.  He does many things that bug me – such as asking me a question when he is in one room and I’m in another and he can’t hear my answer; which means that he asks again and I answer again…. And again…. And again. 

Or, he asks me to tell him to remember to do something that now puts the burden on me to remember his “to-do list.”  And, you may recall that he lost quite a few points a couple of months ago when he forgot my birthday.  He did, however, got a couple of points back when he bought tickets to a Billy Crystal show coming up in October.

While not a saint, Norm is my bridge.  I know he has my back.  And, I love him for it.