People or Things You Love to Hate

 Originally Published Dec. 2012

The phone rings.  Being the former secretary that I am, I run to answer it before it rings a second time.  Being the former manager that he is, Norm waits for someone else to answer it.  This frustrates me to no end.  He picks up the phone and looks at it to see if he knows the number and/or the name on the screen.  By this time, the phone has rung three times and goes to voice mail.

Then I have to wait a few minutes in order for the voice mail message to get recorded and show up on my line.  Finally, I dial *99 and hear a young female voice say, (TALK REALLY FAST):  “Hi, this is Kelsey from Dr. Hammond’s office.  The lab results just came in and he’d like you to start taking Vitamin D along with your calcium, and increase your high blood pressure medicine to one and a half tablets instead of the one table that he just prescribed for you last week.  He’d also like you to come in twice a week to have me take your blood pressure so if you wouldn’t mind calling the scheduling desk at 763-786-4892, I’d appreciate it.  Have a great day!  Bye!”

Huh?  I then find myself listening to this message at least three times to make sure I get my directions correct.  Was that Vitamin D or Vitamin B?  Listen again.  Increase my high blood pressure medication?  Did the doctor call in the new prescription?  I guess I’ll have to call her back and find out.  What was her name again?  The only number she gave me was for the scheduling desk – or was that her number?  Listen again.  Did I get the number right?  Listen one more time.  WHY CAN’T PEOPLE BE AS EFFICIENT AND COURTEOUS AS “MOI” AND SLOW DOWN…..….. AND SAY THEIR NAME AND NUMBER AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MESSAGE AND AGAIN AT THE END OF THE MESSAGE?  Boy, that bugs me.

One more thing that bugs me about the phone is when I call a business and I can’t talk to a live person!  I get “options” instead.  Press 1 for English, 2 for Espanol.  Then, they have to tell me how much they care about me and value my business; but, due to the tremendous volume of calls, my call will be answered in approximately 23 minutes.  After listening to canned music from some hard rock metal band or dead silence, I get to press either 1, 2, 3, or 4 for various departments.  I try pressing “0” instead thinking I might get a real person.  I don’t.   

This next example is something that not only bugs me; but, makes me angry.  I’m merrily driving along and suddenly traffic slows down and is backed up in my lane.  So, some drivers go into the next lane over because it is moving quicker and they go up to the front and then expect me to just let them back in!  Like that’s ever going to happen.

Another type of person I love to hate is the one who sits in front of me on an airplane and as soon as the “seatbelt” sign goes off, plops his seat into my knees!  Most times, I can sense when he is getting ready to push the reclining button, so I’m ready.  I place both hands on the back of the seat and PUSH so it can’t recline.  This usually works.  Another method I use is to just say to the offender that I’ve recently had knee surgery and I’d appreciate it if he wouldn’t recline his seat.  I’ve never had anyone say “no” to that request.

I almost got into trouble with that “line”, however.  We were on a land excursion in Cancun and were riding in a very comfortable, air-conditioned greyhound-type bus.  The person in front of me reclined his seat and so I used my “I recently had knee surgery” routine on him.  He respectfully complied with my request and I sat back…. quite smug with myself.   When the bus stopped for a souvenir break later on, I got off the bus and sprinted to the store.  While looking over the items for sale, the man who so generously gave up his comfort for my poor knee, came up to me and asked me what kind of surgery did I receive?  My what?  Surgery?  You mean the arthroscopy that I had done 14 years ago?  That surgery?  I stammered for a couple of seconds while trying to remember which knee he was talking about!  I then pointed to my right knee and showed him my three little ½ inch scars – barely visible to the naked eye.  I then slowly limped out of the store and got back on the bus.  And for the rest of the trip, I had to remember to act like an invalid whenever I saw my friend from the bus.