Dreams and Premonitions

Originally Published Dec. 2012

I can see it now.  It’s on the southwest corner of Ashland and Fairview in St. Paul.  High on a little hill.  White. Two full stories.  A beautiful screened-in porch runs along the front of the house.  

I climb up the first set of steps.  Then, up three more steps and through the screen door and I’m standing on the porch.  The large windowed front door is open and I walk in.

Wow!  Look at those marvelous wooden beams in the ceiling.  Are they real? And the gorgeous woodwork in the dining room.  A plate rack runs along one entire wall – how unique!

And the kitchen is huge.  On my.  I love the walk-in pantry with the cute little window overlooking the back yard. 

Let’s go upstairs.  One little bedroom off to the left – perfect for a nursery -- and then two good-sized bedrooms.  And the wooden floors….. oh, how I love them.  Cute little bathroom.  Hey, look at the bathtub with the claw feet!  How quaint.  I love the blue, flowered wallpaper.

I want to buy this house.  Please?  Pretty please?  I absolutely love this house.  But, why does it look so familiar?  Why do I already feel so comfortable and happy just walking around this home?  Home.  That’s why.  I already feel at home because I used to live here.

I lived here for almost four years.  We were married a year when Norm, baby Michael, and I moved into this 60-year old house.  We brought our second son, David, to this home from the hospital three years’ later.  Our third son was conceived here.  We took walks around the block with the kids in their strollers.  We had great neighbors.  Mr. and Mrs. Cook were pseudo grandparents and loved watching the kids first crawl, and walk, and then run around the back yard.  Mrs. Cook taught me about roses.  Mr. Cook taught me to slow down.  To just sit on the front steps and watch the squirrels and listen to the birds.

We moved to the suburbs right before Michael started kindergarten.  I think I liked our new home.  I must have.  We lived there for the next 31 years.  After all the kids graduated and finally moved out, we moved to our current home.  A townhome.  I love it there.

But, why do I dream about our home on Ashland Avenue in St. Paul?  I have dreamed the same dream at least twice a year ever since we moved out in 1971.  And, it’s the same dream each time.  I dream that I am again buying the house at 1822 Ashland.  And I am so happy!  And, yet, we only lived there four years.

I have never dreamed about our house in the suburbs.  And, I have never dreamed about our townhome – even after 11 years of living there.  Does that mean I’m not happy now?  Do I want to go back to the time when I was 22, in a wonderful new marriage, a growing family, and the beginning of a beautiful future?  I don’t know.