Code Blue to Christmas

 

Originally Published Dec. 2012

“Code Blue –- Emergency Room!”  “Code Blue – Emergency Room!”  Those words were screaming over the loud speaker as I was on the phone with our daughter telling her that her father had suffered another heart attack and was in the emergency room at Mercy Hospital.  Even though there were several other patients in the emergency room at the same time as Norm, I somehow just knew that the Code Blue was for him.  I dropped the phone and rushed to room #17 and found at least a dozen hospital personnel surrounding him.  What could have happened so quickly?  I had just left his side one minute before the Code Blue announcement was made.  He was stable at that time, and we were waiting for the magic TPA drug to start working (a blood clot zapping medicine). 

As I was led away to a waiting area and tears were streaming down my face, the only thought I had was that I did not kiss him or say that I loved him when I had left to call our children.  My mind told me that, of course, he already knew I loved him because I tell him that every day, but my heart told me that I needed him to really know it and to have those as the last words I had said to him.  But, I hadn’t told him.  I simply told him that I should call the kids and that I would be right back.  Why didn’t I tell him then?

We later learned that Norm’s heart had stopped for six seconds; and while they didn’t have to use the paddles, a nurse did have to hit him with his fist a couple of times to revive him.  The next day, I told Norm what had been going through my mind at that time and asked him what he was thinking (hoping it would be of me and our kids).  He said, “Nope, never thought about you… I was sleepy and had a feeling of complete peace.”  Well, there goes the theory of having your life flash before your eyes!  I’d like to think that he was at peace because he did know that he is loved – by his family, friends, and me!

Besides feeling guilty and being worried about Norm, I was also angry.  Angry at God for allowing this to happen again – three weeks shy of his 60^th birthday and less than two years from his first heart attack.  Why?  Why Norm?  Why was this happening to someone who I considered to be the kindest and most gentle person I knew. Why couldn’t God strike down a drug pusher, a rapist, an abuser, or someone else who, in my judgment, deserves to be punished for his terrible deeds?  All the sermons I had heard about not being judgmental and being able to forgive went right out the window because we’re not talking theory or about strangers now.  We’re talking about someone I know and love.  It all sounds good on paper, but that’s when it doesn’t affect you personally.  This is real – Norm was dead for six seconds.  Not a long time when you look at the clock.  But, it could have been forever.  Norm’s life was saved, and he’s been given the gift of life – again.

Norm came out of this ordeal emotionally unscathed.  My emotions, however, ran the gambit from denial and anger to thanksgiving and acceptance – and then back to worry, confusion, and anger again.  I’m thankful for the love and support shown to us by not only our families but by our “family of love” – our friends.  At 11:00 PM that night, while Norm was going through angioplasty, a large group of friends from our former church came to the hospital and waited and prayed with me and our kids.  That love and support is something that means so much to us.

We will soon be celebrating Christmas – a time when a Savior was born so that we may know peace.  Norm was at peace when he “died” on October 30, 1997.  He was saved after six seconds; therefore, born again with the gift of new life.  My holiday wish for all of us is to remember why we are celebrating Christmas.  God so loves the world that He sent His only Son to save us.  May we all have a blessed, healthy, and happy Christmas!