Best Friends

  

Originally Published Dec. 2012                                                                         (Written January 25, 1995)

My best friend died today.  I’ve had many “best friends” throughout my life – Phyllis Amundson, my very, very best friend from the age of five until high school when boys and other interests (specifically roller skating) came along.  Judy Nielsen then became my very best friend.  Judy and I were inseparable.  We’d skate together three-to-four nights a week, three hours a night.  We’d double date and would have been in each other’s weddings if it weren’t for the fact that we got married within three weeks of each other and couldn’t afford it.

After marriage, Judy and I drifted apart.  Probably because we each moved away to start our lives with our new “best friends,” working in different cities, and with the onset of children for me, our lives became filled with other things to do and other friends.

So, Roseann became my best friend for the early years of young parenthood and marriage.  We had much in common:  We both worked at 3M, had kids around the same age, and our circle of married friends had all belonged to the same group of young single adults.

But, time passes on and lives become so very, very busy with kids, school, work, and the daily hassle of just living.  For years, I “hung out” at the Little League fields, the basketball courts, and the hockey rinks, and became involved in church and school activities.  Best friends aren’t seen as regularly as the years go on.  I moved, gained new interests and other friends.  My life was overflowing with a new and different lifestyle.

My newest best friend is Theresa.  I call her my “working best friend” because for almost 13 years, we worked and went to college together.  I don’t see her as often since we work at different companies now.

As we all know how it is with best friends, even though you don’t physically see each other or even talk very much over the phone, I still consider Phyllis, Judy, Roseann, and Theresa my best friends.

I could add other names such as Peggy, Margie, Barb, and Evelyn to this list – all were important to me during different periods of my life.  But, now we communicate through yearly birthday calls or cards and a short note at Christmas time that always ends with, “We’ve got to get together soon – let’s do lunch sometime!”  And then, we never do.  But that doesn’t stop us from thinking of each other and still keeping in touch.

The last time I saw Judy was 1-1/2 years ago at a class reunion.  We hadn’t seen each other for years and yet, because we were best friends, we picked up immediately where we left off.  Oh, it was so much fun and I’ll treasure the memory of the last time we talked and hugged because I’ll never have the chance to do that again.

Judy was not sick.  She had a headache for a couple of days and when it hurt too much, Danny, her husband, took her to the hospital where she immediately lapsed into a coma and died.  No warning.  No time to prepare last good-byes.

No time to say, “I love you, Judy.  I love our years that we had together, the fun times, and terrific memories.  Did you know that I was going to call you this week to see if you wanted to try roller blading at the Metrodome?  But, life got busy again and I didn’t.  Did you know that I think of you and Danny every time I hear Dream by the Everly Brothers and other songs that were our skating songs?  Every time I hear The Blue Danube and other beautiful waltzes, I picture the two of us skating together (you leading, of course), hand in hand, moving effortlessly to a kick waltz.  Did you know I was thinking of holding a Skateland reunion?  Remember our train trip to the Rockies the first year as working gals?  How cool and grown up we thought we were!  You don’t know how many times I’ve thought about you and I feel badly I hardly said that to you.”

But, best friends know that.  Best friends always stay best friends.  And that is another reason why I’m writing this:  To encourage all of us to do what I did tonight.  I called Phyllis, Margie, Barb, Peggy, my parents and my sister.  We cried and shared our memories of Judy with each other.  We expressed our love for each other.  I plan on calling my brother, Evelyn, Theresa, and other friends tomorrow.

Don’t wait until you’ve lost 20 or 30 pounds and can color your hair before you see each other again.  Best friends don’t see your faults.  They accept you as you are.  Make time for each other.  Set a date and follow through with it.  The cliché, “Life is too short” cannot be more true.  Judy was only 50 years old.  I thought we had a lot of time “to do lunch.”  Life is full of “should haves” and “could haves.”  Well, if this will make just one of us stop what we’re doing and call our best friend, I’ll be glad.

Good-bye, Judy Nielsen LaCoursiere.  I’m sorry for not calling enough.  I miss you already.  A part of me has died with you.  You will be my best friend forever.  I love you.